What seemed like an impossible goal: to quit drinking alcohol, has been achieved. I no longer luxuriate in the happy hour fantasy of pouring a glass (and eventually many more) of wine. For me, it’s not such a big deal anymore, I’m pretty sure…
…until this week when the weather warmed to the mid-seventies, the Acacia trees bloomed and released the first glorious smells of Springtime, and the local restaurants set up their outside seating beckoning with pretty wine glasses drawn on chalkboards set along the sidewalks. All sensuous and gentle reminders of delightful days sipping a crisp white wine.
I went there last week. I daydreamed about drinking. I let myself daydream to test myself. I really wanted to see what and how I felt. Dangerous, probably. But I did it anyway. And the answer I came up with was refreshing. I had too much to lose because of my recovery. If I had just quit and simply been counting my days, I would have succumbed. But this time, my journey started with intention and I’ve never let up. And here is the best news of all. I don’t want to let up because recovery to me means expanding my life, making new friends, strengthening old, reading books, seeing plays, driving to great restaurants, cooking at home, watching a series and remembering, saying yes to invitations to speakers, girlfriends, yoga teacher training, retreats, and travel. It means texting my artwork and gratitude lists to others who like to share back with me. It means I’m up for helping a friend in need — always. The list is literally growing day-by-day. I don’t want to go back to drinking. My life would shrink up in days. No way.
It’s all about practicing a new way of living and being in this world. I’m grateful to have been given this chance. I could have just as easily gone about my days continuing to close them out with wine. I would have had an ok life until my health failed — which it would have before it’s natural time. But I escaped. And many more women can too because the resources are abundant. I have benefited so much from them and will be adding links to my blog website soon.
This blog is for me. I want to remember this story and journey in 5, 10, 25 years. And if anyone is reading it and feels kindred than that’s my way of lighting more torches from the torch I lit from women before me. We’re in service to each other.