I like the movie the Truman Show. It’s about an unsuspecting man trapped in an artificial environment. As life progresses, Truman encounters minuscule clues that intuitively start to tip him off that there is more to life. After experiencing much confusion and dealing with depression, he musters up the strength to overcome his fear of the water and sets sail, breaking out of the artificial environment built to encase his world.
This is what breaking through my alcohol dependence has felt like. When surrounded and encased in alcoholism, it’s those barely detectable clues that provided a hint that I was missing something. And as it does, denial crept in quickly to ensure I wouldn’t give those inklings an ounce of credibility. My “thinking” brain would list off a litany of observations and questions, “drinking is normal; everyone drinks; don’t be so uptight, drinking is not a drug; how will you celebrate?” I wanted to believe that voice in my head as it was validating a choice I preferred at the time. And it made it easier to ignore what I knew to be true — alcohol dependence ruins lives.
I’ve been building up the resolve to break free for years. Every effort to quit drinking added a layer to a foundation I could spring from once I was sure I wanted to quit. None of the previous efforts were a waste because they allowed me to build up those sober muscles and finally set sail for good.
The best part for me on day 150, is a program of Recovery. What a gift to give to oneself!
If I can do this, you can too.