I’m waking up to my latest observation this morning. While I’m grateful living alcohol-free is coming quickly to me by Day 112, I’m suspicious this is Wolfie’s effort to soft-pedal around, lure me in and pounce before I remember why I decided to give up drinking.
And, it’s working. I’m catching myself mindlessly eyeing my SO’s beer on the counter with “innocent” curiosity about how it tastes. As I step forward, reaching for the glass to take “just” one swig, I barely catch myself. It’s as if I’ve forgotten that I quit drinking.
Checking in with others about this on my private online FB recovery group, I find this is indeed a natural progression for many as they recover. After days and days of white knuckling through the process of losing interest in drinking alcohol, a day arrives when the urge to drink lifts. I’m feeling carefree, deceptively so. I’ve forgotten about the evenings I sat on the couch sipping one chardonnay after another, killing all motivation to read, exercise, or be present with my family. I’ve forgotten the terrible feeling of waking up at three a.m., hungover and miserable because I’d broken my promise to stop drinking from the morning before. I’ve forgotten about the terrible anxiety and smallish world that had closed in on me. I’ve forgotten how I lost my natural rhythm for living, laughter, reflection, compassion, and ability to be content.
Fortunately, early on, my sober coach suggested I start writing. It’s how I came to start this blog. It’s a tool I’m using to make sure I stay the course when times get cushy. I understand from others that this feeling will most likely return again and again as the years add up, so it’s a tool for the long haul. And yes, I’m in this for the long haul. Life is so much better without consuming poison each evening. I don’t want to go back.
On a very positive note, I’m also learning that the recovery community online is outstanding! I’m also so appreciative some of you stop by and leave a comment. If you’re blogging, podcasting, writing, let me know where I can find you.