This is the message I received from Hip Sobriety this morning. “Write more about it…” referring to capturing the sober journey as you go. Holly Whitaker, the founder of HSS, has a perspective that is real, uncensored and full of straight up honesty. So in that spirit, here we go on Day 93.
One of the biggest questions that comes up in early sobriety is: “When will I have more energy?” Just this past weekend, I went from bed to couch to walk, back to couch to nap to dinner to bed. And in early sobriety, this is equivalent to hitting it out of the ballpark. No kidding. This is after having a solid few weeks in the energetic category. It’s known as PAWS – post-acute withdrawal syndrome – a stage that can last for up to 2 years where energy is variable and episodes of feeling lethargic and foggy last a couple of days. It’s not fun but neither are the ramifications of pouring a steady stream of poison down my throat for the better part of a quarter of a century. So PAWS happens. It happened this past weekend on my 90th day and it’s now lifted. It’s a sign of healing and the best thing I can do is go with it.
Day 93 feels clear. I’m up before 6 a.m., content and feeling productive. My son is in the hospital for an unknown abdomen pain which is worrisome but I’m meeting this reality with a sense of calm and constructive thinking. I’m working with my other son in a way that is helping us to heal. Overall, I feel like I’m finally being a better me. I’m modeling how I believe we all should show up to the world. More compassion and love. Less judgment and drama.
I’m stronger than ever in my conviction that living an alcohol-free life is more rewarding and so worth it. It doesn’t make it any easier when I’m around people celebrating life with wine. I do feel like I’m missing out. No question. The better prepared I am with my own “fun” drinks — kombucha, tea, mocktail – the more quickly the uneasy feeling passes and I can move freely into what gathering is all about. Connection, stories, and laughter. Or sympathy. Or just being in the world. Alcohol wouldn’t make those moments any better. It just seems like they do.
Writing helps me to recount, reflect and remember. Thanks for prompting me, Holly.